I'm so vain.....

Well, yesterday I decided to go to the doctor anyways, just to see what he says and to see if maybe he could give me something stronger to have on hand, in case I take a turn for the worse all of a sudden.

He freakin prescribes STEROIDS. Umm, I am NOT taking steroids. Steroids causes water retention, makes your appetite soar, makes you menopausal...the whole nine. Uh, no thanks. I do not want to get all puffy and bitchy...I have enough problems with my PMSing and all that, I am not gonna add to it. I recently have lost weight and I don't want to gain it back. So as Carly Simon says, "You're so vain..." And not to mention, after doing research, and talking to my granddad who also was given steroids for his shoulder problem flaring up and said it didn't work, I decided it was not for me. So I am not even gonna get it filled, and just tell him it didn't work.

He said that he really doesn't want me on anything stronger, because when they "filet" my back open [[his words, not mine]] that I am gonna need all the pain management that I can get, and if I am already taking something strong, then where does that leave me. So I guess that I am just going to stay on my Norco and evenly distribute it throughout the day so as to not get too bad as far as pain goes.

I've found that I am getting to read a lot more here lately. Used to, I would get ready for bed, take my meds, then lay down and start to read. Well, 30 minutes later, I was knocked out because of my meds. And I absolutely hate that, because I LOVE to read, and its taking me FOREVER to finish a book this way. So this is what I have been doing...I get ready for bed, and I only take the Norco, and then lay down and read, usually for a couple hours. Then after I read for a while, then I take the Zanaflex, then I fall to sleep. This usually means I am a little sleepy the next day. But I get up, take Kaci to school, give Lanie her breakfast, do a little around the house, and then Lunch for Lanie. While she is eating lunch, I take a pain pill, and then by the time she is done eating, and I lay her down, I am relaxed enough to lay down and take a little nap. Lanie usually sleeps for at least an hour, sometimes two. And its just enough to boost my energy up, and also to give my back a break.

So I guess one of the things I needed in my pain management regimen was a schedule!

The other night, Gary had just came right out and asked me if I was addicted to the pain pills. While I understand his concern, it was still hard to hear that. No one wants to make people think they are addicted to drugs. So I got my feathers ruffled and had to defend myself. I told him that if I was addicted to them, then:

1.) I would be seeing multiple doctors to get multiple prescriptions, to take to multiple pharmacies to get my fix.

2.) I would run out of pills by the time it came to refill the next month. I would be wanting to buy them off the street, sometimes paying $5-$10 PER PILL. I explained to Gary that I get prescribed 6 per day, and that I hardly ever take all 6. Which means that I have pills left over every month. If I was addicted, I would run out like within the first one or two weeks.

3.) I would have withdrawals, getting the shakes and stuff, if I didn't take a pill by a certain time.

So anyways, the next morning, I was talking to my friend, and she told me that maybe he was just concerned, and worded it wrong...And the more I thought about it, she was right. Surely he didn't think I was a druggie, you know? I mean, if he did, why would he leave his, OUR, kids with me. I also explained to him about the embarassment that comes with picking up the pills each month. I DON'T want to take pain pills, and thats part of the reason I decided to have the surgery so I could get by in life, happy taking Motrin or Tylenol like every one else does for pain...not narcotics.

So then he said, "Well, then why don't we sell them??" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...No. I said I do NOT want to go to prison for selling freakin pain pills. He's such a dork..but he was kidding, I know that. =]

While I was in Midland for my appointment, I decided to go to Barnes & Noble to look around. That store relaxes me like no other...the smell, the atmosphere, the books, everything... I could spend all day in that store. And this may sound silly, but after I recover from surgery, and can hold down a little job, I would love to work there. And imagine the discount I would get =] =] I bought Lanie a little Touch and Feel Picture Book. She is in this "What's That??" stage. So I thought a book where she could point and ask me "What's That??" would be good. Then I bought some little chapter books for Kaci. They are story books that have actual chapters in them, not picture books. I want to instill the love for reading in her, so I am trying to encourage that by reading to her.

There are some nights that she has asked me to read to her, and I just don't. I don't feel good and want to go lie down. Then I lay there feeling guilty, but then I don't remember my mom ever reading to me, and I don't know how I felt about that, if I was upset about it...Anyways, I decided to start reading at least one chapter per night, and we started last night. I laid on her bed, and read a chapter, we talked about it, and she LOVED it. Especially since the book is about a little girl starting first grade, and there is a whole series. And of course, I bought me two books to add to my neverending collection. =] Oh well...I am going through books a lot faster and will catch up eventually. Like in the last 10 days, I have finished two books...and I was so happy about that.

She is doing well in school so far. She likes her teacher. Last year, her Kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Smith, had to miss some work when her husband was diagnosed with cancer, and later when she went with him to do treatments. Well, Mrs. Santos (the first grade teacher) took over both classes, and so Kaci already knew her first grade teacher, and vice versa. They start homework next week, and I hope that goes over well. She gets bored easily, so sometimes its a struggle to get her to do her work. I still can't believe my baby is a first grader. I remember being in the first grade! And that seems like ages ago...hahaha. And then Lanie starts school on the 3rd...and I hope she does ok too. Gary says, "Yeah, but she is so mean!" and I said the only time she is mean is when Kaci or someone picks on her, and her claws come out lol. Thats the difference in Kaci and Lanie...Kaci will just stand there and be picked on, Lanie fights! lol

Ok, I guess I have said enough for this morning. Gary is coming home later today and I want to get the house situated for him to come and mess it up again. Hahaha.

Adios!